Rambling of the sleepless mind.......

Current mood: frustrated
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

My mind is twisting and turning every which way! I don't know what to think or what to say about the hundreds of thoughts flitting about inside here...thoughts and questions and worries...ohhhh my!
I worry that I shall repeat a past mistake...I am scared of hurting again...I want to know things that only time can answer...My mind could drive me crazy with all this stuff going on in here.
I need to keep my feet on the ground! I need to focus on what I want for my life, where I want my life to go. I need to focus on my own well-being, my happiness within, who I am and how I want to be! I cannot allow things to distract me in a manner that is unhealthy for me.
I want to feel the feelings I have that are waiting to get out...but cannot! I must keep them under control! For if I do not it could turn into a past mistake! I worry that someone keeps things from me thinking I won't understand or that it will make me turn away from them. I wish they knew how hard I have worked to accept people as they are...for who they are...all that they are!
When I give my love...it is unconditional! I do not put conditions on my love for someone. Either I love them or I don't!
Even when asked "why" I loved someone...I could not find a specific reason. And I don't "want" to! I can say things that I like/love about a person however I could also say things that I dislike about a person! This does not make me love them more or less!
I think about the future...what does it hold? Will life ever really feel good? Will I ever really "feel" and "know" that I am loved? Will I ever truely be able to trust someone with my heart and my life ever again? Will I ever find anyone who can and will love me just a little more than someone else once did?
I wonder...Will I find that one man...who makes my life more complete...the one who I wake next to every morning and smile just because I love him and know he loves me just as much...like waking with the sun shining on my face...the one who just lying next to him makes me fall asleep with that smile on my face...just looking into his eyes lets me know "he's the one" forever...whose very presense makes me content...the one that the touch of his hands lets me know he will catch me when I "fall" in love with him? Or have I? Or is all of that too unrealistic? Only a fantasy or a dream? Can it really happen? Does love like that even exist? Or am I just crazy?
I wonder about reaching the rest of my goals that I set for myself...I have been slacking. I need to get refocused on this...get back to work at it! I know I can do it...I just have to set my mind to it...one thing I have learned is that I can do "anything" I set my mind to!!! I worry to much about failing when I should be worrying about being successful! I need to make myself do the things I know it is I must do even though I am scared to death of doing them. I need to remember to be "bold", don't hesitate...no "guts", no "glory"!!!!!
I must remember every day to eat, sleep and breath....and stop thinking and worrying and questioning so damn much!!!!